Taylor Swift will surely cure cancer

At least we know where she
gets her eyes...

Last night, 60 Minutes did a puff feature on Taylor Swift.  This was done in conjunction with the American Music Awards, a show that is the inbred step-cousin of the GrammyAwards.  Of course, that does not reflect my opinion of the Grammy Awards since I don’t consider the Grammy an award atall.

It is commonplace for 60 Minutes to do puff pieces.  It is an excellent show that has been on for decades and has brought an innumerable amount of injustices and interesting unknown stories to the American mainstream.  They are certainly allowed to have puff pieces and they do limit the amount of puff pieces they show.  But sometimes when a high-powered PR firm tells CBS they want a feature so an average singer with average looks can add a few more zeroes to her bank account and give CBS a check with a bunch of zeroes in the right places, the network has no choice except to agree.  For all my friends who follow sports, look no further than the LeBron James puff piece.

Gaaaah!

Taylor Swift is a smart and shrewd businesswoman.  That is her most redeeming and probably sexiest quality.  She made her big break in a very random way, which is no different than any other big time singer not related to another big time singer.  What worked great for her was the shallow talent pool in pop music and the fact that she started in country music.

Look at her competition amongst American female singers: Lady Gaga (decent voice, but a polarizing freak show), Ke$ha (talentless hack, worst female singer to make it big since the chick from Aqua), Fergie (brutal), Rihanna (decent at best, has gotten where she is by riding coattails), and Katy Perry (yawn).  Not exactly the stiffest competition.

Starting in country music was key to Taylor’s success.  Country music fans will enjoy anything.  They made LeAnn Rimes the most popular artist in music at the age of 14 for a song called “Blue” that gives puppies seizures (not to be confused by the other seizure-causing song called "Blue" by the immortal Eiffel 65).  Country fans also obsess over that band Lady Antebellum, a group that butchered the Star Spangled Banner during the NFL’s opening weekend this year.  (Side note, Lady Antebellum is a stupid band name.  There are guys in the group and nobody in the group is called Antebellum.  It makes no sense at all.  Also, how far down the list was Lady Antebellum on the NFL's list for the 9/11 game in NJ?  50th? 87th?  349th?)  Let’s not forget other country “superstars” that have been obsessed over by country fans and transitioned to mainstream in the 1990s and 2000s, like Billy Ray Cyrus, the Dixie Chicks, Lee Ann Womack, and Toby Keith.  Not exactly big on quality, eh?

Once it was realized that Taylor Swift made her break at the right time based on the shallow talent pool and the blind support from country music fans, it was time for her and her handlers to take advantage of her greatest assets: her age, hair color, and race.  America just loves the white, blonde teenagers.  Teenage girls idolize them, fathers want to sleep with them, and mothers love them out of because they represent everything they wanted to be when they were teenagers.  Plus, that combination of age, hair color, and race triggers a sense among Americans that they’re pulling for “the girl next door,” somebody who is squeaky clean and worthy of our attention.  The same thing happens in baseball, basketball, and football.  It’s amazing how differently people describe a white short stop compared to a Hispanic one in baseball, or a white receiver compared to a black one in football or, the most obvious, a white guard in basketball.  The same holds true in pop music, especially with female pop artists.  America loves the white, blonde teenager.

What about those of us who prefer brunette females who look like they eat more than a celery stick for dinner and prefer not to puke up said celery stick for dessert?  Kelly Clarkson is called fat.  Katy Perry was called ugly until she finally went blonde this summer.  Shakira wasn't signed to a major label until she dyed her hair bleach blonde.  It’s a ridiculous image that discourages people from being unique and striving to succeed just by being who they are.

So go on, keep on believing every word that Taylor Swift’s publicity team tells her to say during a puff piece.  Please continue to line her pockets with cash, she really does appreciate that.  But it’s all ok because, as her publicists told 60 Minutes, she plays a song at her concerts for the people in the nosebleeds…after raising prices beyond any sort of rate of inflation or cost of living adjustment.

Again, she’s smart and shrewd.  In that sense, more power to her.  Keep on screwing over the masses who don’t know they’re being screwed over.  She needs to do it for as long as possible because she is now 21 (almost 22), two years removed from being a teenager.  In the pop music world being just white and blonde doesn’t take you nearly as far as being a white, blonde teenager.  Maximize your profit from the mindless lemmings before you do the unthinkable and turn 23, at which point you’ll be called old and out-dated.